Missing..

The other day, I took the train to the city for an appointment. Just me. Probably the first time, by myself, since Ayisha was born. 

Such a weird feeling. I wasn't dreading it although I had to get up very early, even before Squeaky got up, to catch the train. I was pretty excited actually. Dressing up (means not just a t-shirt), put a little bit of make-up on (means moisturise & bit of neutral lip colour). It reminded me of my days getting ready to work and waiting for the train like all other office attire wearing people around me. At that point, I couldn't believe that I actually kinda missed it.

Going into the city was great too. Reminded me of how I loved working in the city. I missed my office which used to have a magnificent view of Darling Harbour. I missed walking through the shops and malls to & from the train station. I missed the lunches & dinners around the city with my colleagues and friends working in the city. I started thinking about the possibility of maybe going back to work again, especially if we're going to stay in Sydney.

I only spent about 2 hours in the city then it was time to go home. I called home before catching the train to tell Michael I'm on my way then I heard a sound in the background 'who's that? who's that? is that mummy?' Michael put her on and she said:

'Hi mummy!!! I miss YOU!!!!!!!'

I almost cried. 

All the thoughts that I had earlier on vanished in just a second. I rushed to the station and just could not wait to get home.

I don't know if it's the train or the city or the work that I missed. Maybe just the very act of going to work. Or most probably, it's having that bit of freedom that I used to have that I was actually missing. However I do know with absolute certainty that I would miss Ayisha a million times more if I actually do go back to work.

To me, staying at home to be a full time mum is a whole lot more work than office work, at least for the jobs that I've been in anyway. But if we're fortunate enough to be in a situation where I am able to stay home for Squeaky #2, I would do it all over again. 

Of course, when I got home, Ayisha was giving me hugs & kisses every 2 minutes and telling me how much she loves me. Well ok, the mini macaroons that I bought for her at the train station (see what I've been missing? Macaroons at the station!) may have caused that. But still, I think she really really really missed me that morning as much as I missed her! :)